Inbetween my home and school there lies a little glade, a nest of trees to find a way between each day.
A man with nowhere else to go has called it home, and now as winter finds its way into this nook, the man begins to build a fire.
Smoke is rising and it startles me each morning. He calls out to me, the presence of a fire beckons me on such a frigid morn, but he does not belong here.
Nor does the ziplock bag of dead brown leaves upon my desk, its value no one understands but me.
If I had an icy bag of water, I’d know it had been that first snow, and if there was an empty jar, I’d see in it your first cool breath that left its trace upon the wind.
These first fragments of the seasons are more than fading beauty.
I’d sit them side by side in front of me in order to remind myself to hold on tightly to each fading glory.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Rain
It's raining. Sometimes I love the rain, when it's warm out and it feels more like a shower. These days it's as cold as it can get and still be rain and not snow. And it just makes me long for snow. Rather than a cold and gray, dark and dreary day, the sky would be bright, and whiteness would fall down gently, gently, not hard like water but soft as a blanket. The dark streets and empty trees would feel loved again by white pearls. And I would walk for miles in the cold, all bundled up in my hat and my scarf, and enjoy the way the path is changing before me every step, the tread under my feet gets higher and crunches more and more, and everything is quieter, holding its breath. Such a contrast from the rain, which pelts its way down onto the roof and demands it be heard and noticed, as much as we all just want to ignore it.
I'm longing for the first snow.
I'm longing for the first snow.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
August 2007 Newsletter
To my dear family and friends,
I know it is late in coming, but I have safely arrived in Budapest! Yes, I have been here for almost 2 weeks, but I still have yet to catch my breath. So much has been happening and is still happening, that I felt I should write before I lost track of everything! When I left most of you, I was on my way to California to spend two weeks in preparing new teachers for going to Budapest, and to prepare myself as well. Those two weeks were intense and wonderful, feeling more like a month and a world away from the real world and Budapest. It was the first time I had lived in a dorm since college, and it created some strong bonds with many new and old teachers. I was refreshed spending so much time with a large group of people who all shared the same common purpose (missions), and who had shared similar experiences, or who were anxious to hear mine and know what they were about to get into. I am now keeping in touch with many teachers all over the world, and am so grateful for their friendships!
From the beautiful hot beaches of Santa Monica and the palm-tree studded campus of William Carey University, I moved into a rainy 43 degrees, bustling and bruised inner-city Budapest. It couldn’t have been more of a drastic change, even knowing what I was coming back to. Moving into a new house on the industrial island of Csepel in southern Pest, meeting the new school staff, it felt like I was starting all over, even after having been here for two years. Luckily the language quickly returned to me and meeting with all of my old friends here brought back some familiarity. I didn’t have much chance to adjust or even to process the move when upon arriving, we had an extremely trying situation.
One of my teammates, Deanna, came down one morning, 4 days after we arrived, and exclaimed that TeachOverseas and Budapest wasn’t a good fit for her, and she was leaving. No amount of talking would change her mind. The next morning she bought a plane ticket, and the very next day she was gone. Our team and our school were hurting and at a loss what to do. After seeing her off at 4:30am, later that morning I approach the school about the situation (I happen to be the school representative, making me the mediator between our school and TeachOveseas), and they tell me they need a new native speaker by the time classes start (less than a week), or I would be taking her place. That would mean not teaching literature, which was one of the main reasons I took this job, and a huge blow to my stomach. I had planned an open house that evening for mixing and mingling my friends and new teachers, and it was a great distraction and a great success that night. After that party, my director in Prague called to say, miracle of miracles, they had already found a replacement who was willing to come within the week! Before I even had a chance to really pray earnestly about the situation, God provided an answer. It was quite a day! Everyone who was praying for me without even knowing why or what for, thank you! I know you are part of the miracle.
My new teammate and coworker this year will be Lauren Long, and she arrives September 9th, on Sunday. Please pray for her preparation, packing, goodbyes, and adjustment to teaching in a foreign country without any training. Until she comes, this week I have been covering her classes. It has been quite strange to teach a first lesson to students I won’t have for the rest of the year, and someone else is covering my classes while I do that, but the school felt it was important to start the students out with a native speaker from the first day. I am hoping through this week it will give me a bit of a warm-up, getting back into teaching without the worries of what to teach, help me know and be a familiar face to almost every student in the school, and give me time to prepare curriculum and syllabuses for all the literature classes before I begin to teach them. It is a hectic schedule, and I have been working morning until night on planning and teaching, but I am surprised even at myself at how much I am enjoying it. Teaching literature is for me an enormous blessing.
In the crazy moments where I have felt about to crumble or fall over from exhaustion, God has shown His presence and brought me gifts to show His love. One such moment occurred in an underground subway station. For some unknown reason, one of the best violinists I have ever heard in the world spends a few hours a day playing down there in a dirty and remote and ugly part of town, which I luckily have to pass through on my way into town. Before I knew the solution to our school dilemma, I heard the music and I froze, and I listened for 15 minutes to him play, even though I had to be somewhere. I felt his tune wash over me and I knew God loved me, and that was all that mattered. I’ve also had the opportunity to fellowship with good friends at a Ladies’ Tea, or Bible study in Budapest, and spend lots of time sharing and in prayer with some amazing girls who are also here with various mission organizations. Now that I live in Budapest, I have been able to spend more time with them and be blessed by them, it also has helped to keep me going. One of these girls introduced me to a worship leader at an international church, and by accident he discovered I played piano, and he needed a piano player on his worship team. I was able to join them last Sunday, playing piano for worship, and getting the chance to play that instrument again also refreshed me in an unspeakable way.
I am looking forward to this weekend, when we will have our first ESI retreat, and all the teachers here in Budapest and also in Bratislava will get together. It should be a great getaway. Kelly Keust, our director in Prague, will spend tonight and the weekend at our house, and I am looking forward to seeing her as well.
Prayer requests:
- This week, teaching different lessons, preparing for the year’s lessons, and the adjustment of getting back into teaching.
- Next week, the arrival of Lauren, her adjustment to Hungary, and my responsibility to help her and train her on the job.
- Our ESI retreat would be just that: a retreat and sweet time of fellowship.
- Praise God for Lauren, all the ways in which God provides and the little things He does to give me strength and peace
Blessings to you all,
Joanna
Susan, Emeshea, and Tracey at our Meet and Mingle Housewarming Party
Reading in my new living room
Good friends in Hungary: Attis and Viktor
Saturday, July 28, 2007
July 2007 News
To my friends, family, and loved ones,
I have wonderfully exciting news for you! God has indeed done more than I could ask or imagine, providing a way for me to return to Hungary in His timing and His terms, and I am thrilled to be going back! How did this happen?
As you know, at the end of the school year I left for a 3 week train trip across Europe with my brother, and we visited 10 different cities, and 8 different countries. Not only can I check off having done and seen most of what people expect you to do and see in Europe, but I had an awesome time with my brother, probably the most time we have spent together on our own, and had some great conversations. Not many people can say they are very close to their siblings, but I feel much closer to mine, and was very blessed by our trip. During the trip, a good friend of mine from the States told me about a possible teaching job in CA, and I started to get excited about it. I wrote to him and talked to the principal of the school, and believed this would be the next step. However, the week I was back in Hungary to pack and clean out my apartment and say goodbye to friends was absolutely awful. The apartment was a complete mess and took 4 full days to clean and get rid of things and pack. My whole life for two years was stuffed into 3 suitcases, or given or thrown away. My little home was in piles of junk and trash. Saying goodbye to people was also much harder than I imagined, and I just couldn’t face the fact that this was it. After that week I had much less assurance that I could peacefully leave and not work on returning. I was a mess, so I spent most of my long flight home in prayer.
I prayed about the job in CA, and I asked God to show me if I should go there. It seemed like such a sure thing, so I prayed if I wasn’t supposed to go there, that the job would disappear. And secondly I prayed about whether I should return to Hungary and how. In less than a week from my return to the States, all these prayers were answered. First, the job in CA disappeared immediately. I got an email and a phone call from the principal stating they weren’t sure they could hire a new teacher at all, in keeping with their budget. They warned me to start looking elsewhere for jobs. They haven’t contacted me since, and so I’m sure the job has disappeared, just like I’d asked the Lord to do. And secondly, even more directly amazing, a way back to Hungary appeared. ESI, my wonderful organization of the last two years, called me and told me one of their new teachers they just hired got cold feet and dropped out, and they asked me to take her place. The school they wanted me to teach at is one of the best schools with ESI, in Budapest, and is a bilingual school where I can teach literature. The school will get me my work permit, my visa, and provide accommodation. ESI also informs me that I don’t even need to raise any money. I have a hefty surplus from the last two years, quite enough for airfare, visa applications, and more! There is so much more money in my ESI account than I even knew! Thank you to everyone who has sent support to me over the past two years, because you’ve made it possible for me to return for a third year without any struggles! All I had to do was say yes to ESI, and I’d be on my way!
The question remains, why did I have to go through so much struggling on my own to stay in Hungary and fail, only to have everything magically fall into place now? Why couldn’t I have asked ESI to teach at this other school before the new teachers were hired? Why couldn’t I have kept all my things in Hungary instead of having to give so much away? The Lord works in mysterious ways. He always knew I would be coming back to Hungary, but He made sure that I wanted it badly enough to do it on His terms, not my own. All my planning and striving will always come to nothing if He isn’t behind it. It isn’t exactly the way I pictured it, but this is His way, and it is thrilling to see such amazing answers to prayer. I hope that you will continue to pray with me and for me as I go back to a different school, different students, a new subject to teach, and new roommates. Pray that I would be able to build just as great relationships with students and even better, and can get along with my new roommates just as well as before. I am still going to California from August 4th to August 20th to meet my new roommates as well as train the new teachers how to teach. I will even be teaching Hungarian basics to the new Hungary teachers, which should be fun! Pray that I would bond with my new teammates from the very beginning, and be able to help them and show them the ropes of living overseas, and we could encourage each other through good times and bad. I’m leaving August 20th from LA to Budapest, so I have only one more week here with my family and close friends. What I thought might be a long time has become once again much too short. Pray for my family to be happy for me, and not too sad that I’m leaving once again.
Thank you so much for your prayers and support over the years, and continuing in this ministry with me. I would not be able to do this without you!
Blessings,
Joanna
P.S. Look at photos of my trip across and Europe and end of the year school events here:
http://community.webshots.com/user/wannasquanto?vhost=community
I have wonderfully exciting news for you! God has indeed done more than I could ask or imagine, providing a way for me to return to Hungary in His timing and His terms, and I am thrilled to be going back! How did this happen?
As you know, at the end of the school year I left for a 3 week train trip across Europe with my brother, and we visited 10 different cities, and 8 different countries. Not only can I check off having done and seen most of what people expect you to do and see in Europe, but I had an awesome time with my brother, probably the most time we have spent together on our own, and had some great conversations. Not many people can say they are very close to their siblings, but I feel much closer to mine, and was very blessed by our trip. During the trip, a good friend of mine from the States told me about a possible teaching job in CA, and I started to get excited about it. I wrote to him and talked to the principal of the school, and believed this would be the next step. However, the week I was back in Hungary to pack and clean out my apartment and say goodbye to friends was absolutely awful. The apartment was a complete mess and took 4 full days to clean and get rid of things and pack. My whole life for two years was stuffed into 3 suitcases, or given or thrown away. My little home was in piles of junk and trash. Saying goodbye to people was also much harder than I imagined, and I just couldn’t face the fact that this was it. After that week I had much less assurance that I could peacefully leave and not work on returning. I was a mess, so I spent most of my long flight home in prayer.
I prayed about the job in CA, and I asked God to show me if I should go there. It seemed like such a sure thing, so I prayed if I wasn’t supposed to go there, that the job would disappear. And secondly I prayed about whether I should return to Hungary and how. In less than a week from my return to the States, all these prayers were answered. First, the job in CA disappeared immediately. I got an email and a phone call from the principal stating they weren’t sure they could hire a new teacher at all, in keeping with their budget. They warned me to start looking elsewhere for jobs. They haven’t contacted me since, and so I’m sure the job has disappeared, just like I’d asked the Lord to do. And secondly, even more directly amazing, a way back to Hungary appeared. ESI, my wonderful organization of the last two years, called me and told me one of their new teachers they just hired got cold feet and dropped out, and they asked me to take her place. The school they wanted me to teach at is one of the best schools with ESI, in Budapest, and is a bilingual school where I can teach literature. The school will get me my work permit, my visa, and provide accommodation. ESI also informs me that I don’t even need to raise any money. I have a hefty surplus from the last two years, quite enough for airfare, visa applications, and more! There is so much more money in my ESI account than I even knew! Thank you to everyone who has sent support to me over the past two years, because you’ve made it possible for me to return for a third year without any struggles! All I had to do was say yes to ESI, and I’d be on my way!
The question remains, why did I have to go through so much struggling on my own to stay in Hungary and fail, only to have everything magically fall into place now? Why couldn’t I have asked ESI to teach at this other school before the new teachers were hired? Why couldn’t I have kept all my things in Hungary instead of having to give so much away? The Lord works in mysterious ways. He always knew I would be coming back to Hungary, but He made sure that I wanted it badly enough to do it on His terms, not my own. All my planning and striving will always come to nothing if He isn’t behind it. It isn’t exactly the way I pictured it, but this is His way, and it is thrilling to see such amazing answers to prayer. I hope that you will continue to pray with me and for me as I go back to a different school, different students, a new subject to teach, and new roommates. Pray that I would be able to build just as great relationships with students and even better, and can get along with my new roommates just as well as before. I am still going to California from August 4th to August 20th to meet my new roommates as well as train the new teachers how to teach. I will even be teaching Hungarian basics to the new Hungary teachers, which should be fun! Pray that I would bond with my new teammates from the very beginning, and be able to help them and show them the ropes of living overseas, and we could encourage each other through good times and bad. I’m leaving August 20th from LA to Budapest, so I have only one more week here with my family and close friends. What I thought might be a long time has become once again much too short. Pray for my family to be happy for me, and not too sad that I’m leaving once again.
Thank you so much for your prayers and support over the years, and continuing in this ministry with me. I would not be able to do this without you!
Blessings,
Joanna
P.S. Look at photos of my trip across and Europe and end of the year school events here:
http://community.webshots.com/user/wannasquanto?vhost=community
Friday, May 25, 2007
Bible study group
Wednesday night English Bible study with whole clan. In the back are Hugh, Karen, me, Orsi, and in the front Doug and Lea Coppage, and my roommate Sarah Jane.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Latest News from Hungary (March/April Newsletter)
Hello friends and family,
Here is the latest news from Hungary! Language Day was a brilliant success! The students had a great time, their performances were funny and I loved watching the fruit of all my labor! The big project is complete. It opened up so many doors and relationships, Language Day was a huge blessing to them and me. My students even got me flowers for all my help! They were beautiful!
The day after Language Day I went to Cracow, Poland for Easter. It was an eye-opening experience, as I also went to Auschwitz for a day. You can read about Krakow, as well as look at pictures of Language Day on my blog (further down). Please take the time to check it out! Just scroll down. Since I got back from Krakow, all the flowers and leaves on the trees have budded and bloomed. Spring came while I was away! It is the most perfect weather, nearly 70 degrees every day! I've gotten to take some classes down to the Duna park and walk and talk with them. I love that I can do that and call it an English lesson :) My headmaster really doesn't seem to mind. Language Day was such a success, now I don't know what to do with my classes! I have to come up with some real English lessons, fun ones, to keep the kids entertained until the end of the year, which is coming quickly. I'm trying to think of some fun activities to do with them.
In the meantime, I have lots of paperwork to do. Not only do I have stacks of student papers to grade (and I have just 2 weeks before the seniors are finished!), but I have lots of applications. You see, ESI and I have agreed to part ways. Since ESI can't sign a new contract with my current school, and I will have to volunteer here, they want whatever school I work at and am contracted at to be my first priority. However, I have such a good relationship with my school and my students, that I am willing to work for the school at least twice a week for free in order to keep these good relationships! I don't want to start all over at a different school, since it has taken me nearly 2 years to get to this point. However, ESI can't sign a contract with my school if they're not paying me, and therefore, I can no longer work for ESI. So now I'm trying to stay independently. I am so blessed by all of you supporting and praying for me, I really want to keep you! To do that, I need a new missions organization with fewer guidelines and restrictions about the type of ministry I do. I think I found one called Shepherd's Staff, which is more of a missions facilitator, and I spent hours last week filling out the application, that hopefully I can put in the mail tomorrow! As soon as I know if I am accepted, I can give you information about how to continue your support, if you still feel called to do so. I hope that we can continue together in Hungary!
Beyond that, I need a part-time job to pay rent and such, and so that I am not a burden to supporters and unable to live. I am planning to move to Budapest and work there part-time at a language school, teaching business English to companies. I have an interview on Wednesday. Yikes! Scary! If I get the job, I will get paid more money than I get now, for working fewer hours! Wow! This will give me the time and the money to volunteer in Vác at my current school, which is my first priority, and not ask for any additional support from you! I hope that everyone can continue to give as much as they have been able in the past. That is my update about staying in Hungary.
Recently I have been going to a Bible study on Friday evenings in Budapest, and having a great time. It has lots of international students and working singles, everyone is in their 20's. I'm really loving getting to know everyone there and making new friends. They also have started meeting at Margit Sziget (an island park in the middle of Budapest) every Sunday afternoon after church, having a picnic lunch, and hanging out and playing frisbee. Frisbee is my favorite sport! I spent the whole day on the island on Sunday playing frisbee and talking and making new friends. That's a great thing, since most of my friends now are leaving Hungary next year, and I need some new friends who live in Budapest!
So, that's the latest with me.God bless and keep writing!
Blessings, Jo
Here is the latest news from Hungary! Language Day was a brilliant success! The students had a great time, their performances were funny and I loved watching the fruit of all my labor! The big project is complete. It opened up so many doors and relationships, Language Day was a huge blessing to them and me. My students even got me flowers for all my help! They were beautiful!
The day after Language Day I went to Cracow, Poland for Easter. It was an eye-opening experience, as I also went to Auschwitz for a day. You can read about Krakow, as well as look at pictures of Language Day on my blog (further down). Please take the time to check it out! Just scroll down. Since I got back from Krakow, all the flowers and leaves on the trees have budded and bloomed. Spring came while I was away! It is the most perfect weather, nearly 70 degrees every day! I've gotten to take some classes down to the Duna park and walk and talk with them. I love that I can do that and call it an English lesson :) My headmaster really doesn't seem to mind. Language Day was such a success, now I don't know what to do with my classes! I have to come up with some real English lessons, fun ones, to keep the kids entertained until the end of the year, which is coming quickly. I'm trying to think of some fun activities to do with them.
In the meantime, I have lots of paperwork to do. Not only do I have stacks of student papers to grade (and I have just 2 weeks before the seniors are finished!), but I have lots of applications. You see, ESI and I have agreed to part ways. Since ESI can't sign a new contract with my current school, and I will have to volunteer here, they want whatever school I work at and am contracted at to be my first priority. However, I have such a good relationship with my school and my students, that I am willing to work for the school at least twice a week for free in order to keep these good relationships! I don't want to start all over at a different school, since it has taken me nearly 2 years to get to this point. However, ESI can't sign a contract with my school if they're not paying me, and therefore, I can no longer work for ESI. So now I'm trying to stay independently. I am so blessed by all of you supporting and praying for me, I really want to keep you! To do that, I need a new missions organization with fewer guidelines and restrictions about the type of ministry I do. I think I found one called Shepherd's Staff, which is more of a missions facilitator, and I spent hours last week filling out the application, that hopefully I can put in the mail tomorrow! As soon as I know if I am accepted, I can give you information about how to continue your support, if you still feel called to do so. I hope that we can continue together in Hungary!
Beyond that, I need a part-time job to pay rent and such, and so that I am not a burden to supporters and unable to live. I am planning to move to Budapest and work there part-time at a language school, teaching business English to companies. I have an interview on Wednesday. Yikes! Scary! If I get the job, I will get paid more money than I get now, for working fewer hours! Wow! This will give me the time and the money to volunteer in Vác at my current school, which is my first priority, and not ask for any additional support from you! I hope that everyone can continue to give as much as they have been able in the past. That is my update about staying in Hungary.
Recently I have been going to a Bible study on Friday evenings in Budapest, and having a great time. It has lots of international students and working singles, everyone is in their 20's. I'm really loving getting to know everyone there and making new friends. They also have started meeting at Margit Sziget (an island park in the middle of Budapest) every Sunday afternoon after church, having a picnic lunch, and hanging out and playing frisbee. Frisbee is my favorite sport! I spent the whole day on the island on Sunday playing frisbee and talking and making new friends. That's a great thing, since most of my friends now are leaving Hungary next year, and I need some new friends who live in Budapest!
So, that's the latest with me.God bless and keep writing!
Blessings, Jo
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Miklós Vámos
Here is a guy I find very interesting.
He writes articles for Newsweek and The Washington Post. You can read his view of Hungary by going here : http://newsweek.washingtonpost.com/postglobal/miklos_vamos/
It's definitely worth your time.
Miklós Vámos is a Hungarian novelist, screenwriter and talk show host. He is one of the most read and respected writers in his native Hungary. He has taught at Yale University on a Fulbright fellowship, served as The Nation’s East European correspondent, worked as consultant on the Oscar-winning film Mephisto, and presented Hungary’s most-watched cultural television show. Vámos has received numerous awards for his plays, screenplays, novels and short stories, including the Hungarian Merit Award for lifetime achievement. The Book of Fathers is considered his most accomplished novel and has sold 200,000 copies in Hungary.
He writes articles for Newsweek and The Washington Post. You can read his view of Hungary by going here : http://newsweek.washingtonpost.com/postglobal/miklos_vamos/
It's definitely worth your time.
Miklós Vámos is a Hungarian novelist, screenwriter and talk show host. He is one of the most read and respected writers in his native Hungary. He has taught at Yale University on a Fulbright fellowship, served as The Nation’s East European correspondent, worked as consultant on the Oscar-winning film Mephisto, and presented Hungary’s most-watched cultural television show. Vámos has received numerous awards for his plays, screenplays, novels and short stories, including the Hungarian Merit Award for lifetime achievement. The Book of Fathers is considered his most accomplished novel and has sold 200,000 copies in Hungary.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Language Day Pics
Here are some pics of Language Day:
The Crowd
Judges
Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs Dancing
Backstage
Practicing
Finale Pose
Performance
The MC
My students got me flowers!!!
All these photos are courtesy of Jim Baker. Check out his website! http://www.jimbakerphotography.com
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Auschwitz and Birkenau
It's Saturday, but yesterday I went to Auschwitz on Good Friday. It was just as memorable and life changing as I'd hoped. There is something spiritual about the day, and a chance to see the place I've read ab out, that brought a lot of things home to me. I have always had a fascination with the Holocaust and since I've been in Europe I've read a lot of history about WWII. It sounds like a rather depressing fascination, but I have a sorrow in my heart for the tragedy of the Jews, and I've always felt a strange solidarity with them. I can't seem to learn enough about that time and it stirs me deeply, fills me with sadness and anger, and makes me want to be a different person. I wasn't sure who that person was until yesterday.
I won't tell you too much of what I saw. It's impossible to explain. Eventually I will post pictures, but the pictures won't show you the smell still lingering in the air, that reminded me of fertilizer on a farm. Of course we know it doesn't come from animals. I don't have shots of the inside of the buildings, where they showed us the recovered items from the storehouses of Jewish possessions. The room full of human hair that smelled like fermaldahyde through the glass. There were many pictures of Jews arriving on trains, believing they were coming to have a better life. Most of the pictures were of Hungarian Jews. I think this isn't a coincidence. I have asked Hungarians how the Holocaust affected them. After all, thousands if not millions of Hungarians just disappeared in a few short years, never to return. Gone from the face of the earth. Synagogues stand vacant and serve as reminders of the people who just vanished. "How does it make you feel?" I ask them. "I feel fine," Hungarians respond. "But they were Hungarians, your people!" "No, no, they were Jews," they say.
Did you know that the word "Jew" is still a dirty word in Hungarian? Those who hate the prime minister will graffiti "Jew" across his forehead on posters of him. You can see this at any subway station. Why do I get the feeling that if Hitler returned to take care of the tiny miniscule Jewish population in Hungary, no one would say a word? I think they would beg him to not stop there, but take the gypsies as well. When did "Jew" cancel "Hungarian"? Who will cry for them? If no one else will claim them, I will do it. I will cry for MY people. I will be Jewish. I was grafted into Israel when I became a Christian. I became a son of Abraham. That is what Paul says, yes? I am an adopted Jew, a Christian Jew. To become like Christ is to be Jewish. I am ashamed of every time someone asked me if I was Jewish and I denied it. I want to claim that solidarity as my own, and their people as my own. I will lament their sorrows and tell my students with pride of what I am, and WANT to be. I WANT to be Jewish. I don't think Christians and Catholics quite understand the brotherhood they share, and I want to tell my Hungarians (yes, I am Hungarian and American now as well) that they are in the same family. Not all Jews are Christians, but all Christians are adopted Jews. So why do so many still hate them?
I am not American first and Hungarian second, or Christian before Jewish. All of these are equal parts of me, and now I have a greater understanding of who I am. I can't wait to tell my students I am Jewish, even if adopted as one, and watch their horror and shock. I want to teach them love and acceptance. I want to introduce them to gypsies and have them make sandwiches for the homeless. I have a greater sense of identity and purpose since I visited Auschwitz. I will be a Hungarian Jew and speak for all my people who were lost, and hope to teach those within my educating grasp how to love all people.
I won't tell you too much of what I saw. It's impossible to explain. Eventually I will post pictures, but the pictures won't show you the smell still lingering in the air, that reminded me of fertilizer on a farm. Of course we know it doesn't come from animals. I don't have shots of the inside of the buildings, where they showed us the recovered items from the storehouses of Jewish possessions. The room full of human hair that smelled like fermaldahyde through the glass. There were many pictures of Jews arriving on trains, believing they were coming to have a better life. Most of the pictures were of Hungarian Jews. I think this isn't a coincidence. I have asked Hungarians how the Holocaust affected them. After all, thousands if not millions of Hungarians just disappeared in a few short years, never to return. Gone from the face of the earth. Synagogues stand vacant and serve as reminders of the people who just vanished. "How does it make you feel?" I ask them. "I feel fine," Hungarians respond. "But they were Hungarians, your people!" "No, no, they were Jews," they say.
Did you know that the word "Jew" is still a dirty word in Hungarian? Those who hate the prime minister will graffiti "Jew" across his forehead on posters of him. You can see this at any subway station. Why do I get the feeling that if Hitler returned to take care of the tiny miniscule Jewish population in Hungary, no one would say a word? I think they would beg him to not stop there, but take the gypsies as well. When did "Jew" cancel "Hungarian"? Who will cry for them? If no one else will claim them, I will do it. I will cry for MY people. I will be Jewish. I was grafted into Israel when I became a Christian. I became a son of Abraham. That is what Paul says, yes? I am an adopted Jew, a Christian Jew. To become like Christ is to be Jewish. I am ashamed of every time someone asked me if I was Jewish and I denied it. I want to claim that solidarity as my own, and their people as my own. I will lament their sorrows and tell my students with pride of what I am, and WANT to be. I WANT to be Jewish. I don't think Christians and Catholics quite understand the brotherhood they share, and I want to tell my Hungarians (yes, I am Hungarian and American now as well) that they are in the same family. Not all Jews are Christians, but all Christians are adopted Jews. So why do so many still hate them?
I am not American first and Hungarian second, or Christian before Jewish. All of these are equal parts of me, and now I have a greater understanding of who I am. I can't wait to tell my students I am Jewish, even if adopted as one, and watch their horror and shock. I want to teach them love and acceptance. I want to introduce them to gypsies and have them make sandwiches for the homeless. I have a greater sense of identity and purpose since I visited Auschwitz. I will be a Hungarian Jew and speak for all my people who were lost, and hope to teach those within my educating grasp how to love all people.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Krakow
Don't ask me why, but after all this time of not feeling like writing much in my blog, today I really wanted to post.
My friend Jim left this morning. He is an old friend from high school who was visiting me for just a few days and also shooting a documentary for some missionary friends of his in Latvia. He encouraged me and brought gifts and money! He's also a professional photographer, and he happened to be here for Language Day, the culmination of all my hard work since January, and get some nice shots of it. I can't wait to see them!
We had to get up at 5am to take him back to the airport. I got a chance to sleep for an hour and a half at Sarah #2's (not roommate) flat before we went back to the airport for our trip to Krakow.
I don't like flying too much, it actually makes me motion sick sometimes, but it's faster and usually I don't have the time because I travel just on long weekends. We took a Malev (Hungarian airline) flight, and they pampered us and gave us a free sandwich and coffee. By the time we got in the air, we were coming back down again. Budapest to Krakow is only a 40 minute flight. We got here in time to walk around and tour the city a bit.
Krakow is a little known beauty. It wasn't destroyed so bad as Warsaw in WWII, and has a gorgeous square. I'm getting quite fond of the city square's in every major European city, with beautiful churches and fountains and cafes around the center. We walked down to the Jewish quarter. I don't know what I expected to see, but it looked the same, except for some synoguages. I suppose I wanted Yiddish or Hebrew signs and stars on doorposts, but those things haven't been all preserved, and of course there isn't an actual Jewish community living there anymore. Sad, but true. So Sarah and I tried to close our eyes and picture what it might have looked like back then, but Jewish children and kosher restaurants and such. We did find a spot that Speilburg used to film Schindler's List. I asked the hostel worker where the factory was, and to my surprise he said it's nothing but an empty building now. There's not much to see. No museum or memorial, just an empty factory. So I guess we won't be visiting there, but I have a picture of an arch that was in the movie.
We went to museum in the quarter that had a montage of pictures of old synoguages and memorials in present day. In every country I visit, I always try to buy a book written by an author from that country who is famous and sort of captures my feel of the place. I bought one of Elie Weisel's books at the museum. I've read Night for which he won the Nobel Peace Prize and it's never left my mind. So I got another book by him since his work first introduced me to the holocaust and has gripped my heart ever since. That is the reason for my desire to come to Krakow at all. Tomorrow we are going to Auschwitz. I wanted to go on Good Friday on purpose. I want to hear and see and feel the suffering of the Jews and remember the suffering of my Lord. I want to weep for the loss and the love. I don't want to be just sobered and depressed by going there, but to feel God's sorrow and know why He chose to die.
Sarah and I are planning to attend two church services on Sunday. The first will be a mass in cathedral in the castle, in Latin. The second will be in English in a Protestant church planted by missionaries. The first is for the experience, the second is to celebrate and keep my focus on what this weekend is about. I want an Easter to remember for a lifetime.
Tonight we ate dinner at a Bagel/TexMex restaurant. Every time I travel, instead of eating the food of the country, I find the foods I miss the most from America and aren't found in Hungary instead. I am constantly craving bagels and tacos, so I had both satisfied in one place! If only Budapest would bring the BagelMomma from Krakow. I am much better at savoring the literature and history of a place than its cuisine.
After dinner we went to an open-air concert of a Polish folk singer who happens to be named Joanna. She sang in Polish, but her melodies were strong and passionate and lilting. She was accompanied by an accordian, some violins and cello, and random percussion instruments. I loved watching the accordian player. He was young and handsome, something you wouldn't expect, and I've never understand how complicated of an instrument it could be.
As my friends come and go to see me, and return to the States, I don't envy them. I feel I have so much at my fingertips. Listening tonight to Polish accordians, and tomorrow standing in the place where Jewish lives were destroyed and millions just disappeared from this earth, I don't wonder why I've decided to stay in Europe. I can't imagine being anywhere else.
My friend Jim left this morning. He is an old friend from high school who was visiting me for just a few days and also shooting a documentary for some missionary friends of his in Latvia. He encouraged me and brought gifts and money! He's also a professional photographer, and he happened to be here for Language Day, the culmination of all my hard work since January, and get some nice shots of it. I can't wait to see them!
We had to get up at 5am to take him back to the airport. I got a chance to sleep for an hour and a half at Sarah #2's (not roommate) flat before we went back to the airport for our trip to Krakow.
I don't like flying too much, it actually makes me motion sick sometimes, but it's faster and usually I don't have the time because I travel just on long weekends. We took a Malev (Hungarian airline) flight, and they pampered us and gave us a free sandwich and coffee. By the time we got in the air, we were coming back down again. Budapest to Krakow is only a 40 minute flight. We got here in time to walk around and tour the city a bit.
Krakow is a little known beauty. It wasn't destroyed so bad as Warsaw in WWII, and has a gorgeous square. I'm getting quite fond of the city square's in every major European city, with beautiful churches and fountains and cafes around the center. We walked down to the Jewish quarter. I don't know what I expected to see, but it looked the same, except for some synoguages. I suppose I wanted Yiddish or Hebrew signs and stars on doorposts, but those things haven't been all preserved, and of course there isn't an actual Jewish community living there anymore. Sad, but true. So Sarah and I tried to close our eyes and picture what it might have looked like back then, but Jewish children and kosher restaurants and such. We did find a spot that Speilburg used to film Schindler's List. I asked the hostel worker where the factory was, and to my surprise he said it's nothing but an empty building now. There's not much to see. No museum or memorial, just an empty factory. So I guess we won't be visiting there, but I have a picture of an arch that was in the movie.
We went to museum in the quarter that had a montage of pictures of old synoguages and memorials in present day. In every country I visit, I always try to buy a book written by an author from that country who is famous and sort of captures my feel of the place. I bought one of Elie Weisel's books at the museum. I've read Night for which he won the Nobel Peace Prize and it's never left my mind. So I got another book by him since his work first introduced me to the holocaust and has gripped my heart ever since. That is the reason for my desire to come to Krakow at all. Tomorrow we are going to Auschwitz. I wanted to go on Good Friday on purpose. I want to hear and see and feel the suffering of the Jews and remember the suffering of my Lord. I want to weep for the loss and the love. I don't want to be just sobered and depressed by going there, but to feel God's sorrow and know why He chose to die.
Sarah and I are planning to attend two church services on Sunday. The first will be a mass in cathedral in the castle, in Latin. The second will be in English in a Protestant church planted by missionaries. The first is for the experience, the second is to celebrate and keep my focus on what this weekend is about. I want an Easter to remember for a lifetime.
Tonight we ate dinner at a Bagel/TexMex restaurant. Every time I travel, instead of eating the food of the country, I find the foods I miss the most from America and aren't found in Hungary instead. I am constantly craving bagels and tacos, so I had both satisfied in one place! If only Budapest would bring the BagelMomma from Krakow. I am much better at savoring the literature and history of a place than its cuisine.
After dinner we went to an open-air concert of a Polish folk singer who happens to be named Joanna. She sang in Polish, but her melodies were strong and passionate and lilting. She was accompanied by an accordian, some violins and cello, and random percussion instruments. I loved watching the accordian player. He was young and handsome, something you wouldn't expect, and I've never understand how complicated of an instrument it could be.
As my friends come and go to see me, and return to the States, I don't envy them. I feel I have so much at my fingertips. Listening tonight to Polish accordians, and tomorrow standing in the place where Jewish lives were destroyed and millions just disappeared from this earth, I don't wonder why I've decided to stay in Europe. I can't imagine being anywhere else.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
The Long-Awaited December-February Newsletter
To my beloved friends and family,
Praise God for a whole new year! Today I praise God that He has kept me in Hungary. Despite hardships and feelings otherwise, I am encouraged that God is greater than our hearts and our feelings, and He can give us strength and peace whenever we ask for it! I am amazed at the ways in which God has provided and blessed me this year.
CHRISTMAS
December was a long and hard month for me. I was worn out and ready for Christmas break to see my family, and I had high hopes that my mother would come visit for two weeks and fly back with me for Christmas. However, she came down with pneumonia, and wasn’t able to make it. I also got sick, and was blessed to get tonsilitis. Why blessed? Because in my weakness and disappointment, God gave me a much needed rest. I had a chance to recooperate even before I returned to the States, so I could completely enjoy my time at home. I also learned what it means to rely on God alone for every need. I believe God was trying to show me how to depend on Him alone, and no one and nothing else for support. He gave me the ability to move forward and continue on, and showed me the necessity to complete the task that is before me. He gave me a peace and reminded me that He called me to Hungary, and regardless of whether I see the reasons for it or the fruit, whether or not it causes me pain or hardship, I must stay in His will. There is nothing more reasurringly comforting than being in God’s hands, at the center of His will.
LANGUAGE DAY
I began writing this letter in January, and at this point I started to say how much I was feeling it was time to come back to the States after this year. But since January God has been greatly changing my heart and doing some incredible things in my life and at the school that I am very excited to share with you. You may remember from last year a program at my school called Language Day, which is a performance day where each class has to perform a skit, or part of a musical, or a dance to an English song, etc. I am in charge this year of all the English classes, which is a great break from the norm. Since January we have been working on their program, which they will perform April 4th. I have the opportunity to work on something fun and creative with the students, and every day I get to spend more quality time with them, and develop a different sort of relationship. We dance and write and sing and laugh, and when they get tired of practicing, I just sit down and talk to them. They love to ask me questions about myself, and I get to hear about their lives and what they love to do for fun, what movies they watch, and music they listen to. I have begun to build an excellent rapport with my students that I have prayed to have for a long time.
For grades, they can either write essays from a list of topics I gave them, or meet me outside of school and sit and talk for 30 minutes in English. I have been overwhelmed at the response I have gotten! I have been meeting consistently with several students since I introduced the idea, and we just talk. They feel they are getting English practice, and I am building a close relationship and trust with them. This has been incredibly exciting, since I have been praying that I could hang out with students outside of school without awkwardness and build friendships and rapport since I’ve been in Hungary. After a year and a half, God is answering my prayer!
NEXT YEAR
Be careful what you pray for! I had been earnestly asking God to see the fruit of my time in Hungary, to see the purpose of the ministry and why I was here. Now He is answering! But if I had never seen, I could have easily returned home to the States without a backward glance, believing I had done everything I could. But now that God is answering my prayer and showing me fruit, He is requiring much more of me. If I have worked a year and a half to get to the point where I can be of use, why should I leave what I have worked so hard to achieve? It is becoming increasingly hard to ignore that this isn’t the end of my time in Hungary, but only the beginning of my service and ministry to my students.
A MINISTRY TRANSITION
God can put things on our hearts, and then make it seem nearly impossible to put into action. That what makes Him God, and us just clay in His hands. I am constantly having to let go of everything I plan, my hopes and dreams I keep having to lay at His feet, because nothing goes the way I want it to. It would be so simple to say to my school: “I want to come back next year,” wouldn’t it? But following God is never that simple. My school has responded like every school going through a crisis because of Hungarian government cuts in funding education: “We can’t afford to hire you back and renew your contract next year, Joanna. We can’t afford an ESI teacher at all anymore.” I have been praying earnestly at what that means. “Does that mean I’m released, God? Can I go back to the States?” Sigh, leave my kids with no one at all to follow me? No Christian presence from now on? It leaves my heart heavy. So, I am pursuing other options. All I know is that next year will be drastically different from this one if I choose to stay. My school would be quite happy to keep me as a volunteer, to lead workshops, help tutor kids after school who are behind, or provide extra instruction for gifted students. They’ve made this quite clear. They now provide my rent for my flat and utilities. In order to keep my presence at the school, to continue to meet with my students and build on my relationship with them, I will no more receive help from the school financially. It will require a huge money gap.
And this is where you come in. I am still grappling with the practicality of staying in Hungary for another year without a salary. I am discussing options with ESI, and trying to get an idea of possibilities to receive extra money. Working part-time at a different school and commuting to Vac, teaching private students in my “free” time are some options. However, I would love to have the extra time to use in whatever ways God opens up to minister to my students. I would love to raise my full support. However, the amount to raise would be twice as much as what I’ve raised before, and the amount is staggering. It would cost me about $19,200 a year, to replace the costs of my salary and to pay my own rent. I have made an analysis of all the expenses in Hungarian forints and dollars and what all that money goes toward, which I will send out in another email. This is only to say that my mind cannot possibly wrap around the fact that I can get that much money to stay, but my heart says to trust God that anything is possible!
This means that again I am encountering a stumbling block, but I want to lay it all down before the Lord and trust that if it is His will, He will provide. I am writing this to you, to ask for your prayers. If God does indeed desire me to continue working in Hungary with my students in this new way, than you can be God’s provision. I cannot do this without your help! If in your heart you feel that God does indeed want to work in the hearts of students in Vác, Hungary, than ask Him if you can be also be used to make it possible. I have been so encouraged by your support, prayers, and letters of encouragement over these two years. It has increased my faith to ask for your help and rely on others for my provision, and I have heard stories where it has also increased your faith as well to give even when it hurt. I am so thankful that I have not stepped out in faith alone, but that I have a team of generous prayer warriors who have been behind me and lifted me up when I couldn’t lift myself up. Please continue to pray that God would use you in this ministry, so we can together be a light for God and give Him glory all over the world.
Blessings and peace to you,
Joanna Fessler
Praise God for a whole new year! Today I praise God that He has kept me in Hungary. Despite hardships and feelings otherwise, I am encouraged that God is greater than our hearts and our feelings, and He can give us strength and peace whenever we ask for it! I am amazed at the ways in which God has provided and blessed me this year.
CHRISTMAS
December was a long and hard month for me. I was worn out and ready for Christmas break to see my family, and I had high hopes that my mother would come visit for two weeks and fly back with me for Christmas. However, she came down with pneumonia, and wasn’t able to make it. I also got sick, and was blessed to get tonsilitis. Why blessed? Because in my weakness and disappointment, God gave me a much needed rest. I had a chance to recooperate even before I returned to the States, so I could completely enjoy my time at home. I also learned what it means to rely on God alone for every need. I believe God was trying to show me how to depend on Him alone, and no one and nothing else for support. He gave me the ability to move forward and continue on, and showed me the necessity to complete the task that is before me. He gave me a peace and reminded me that He called me to Hungary, and regardless of whether I see the reasons for it or the fruit, whether or not it causes me pain or hardship, I must stay in His will. There is nothing more reasurringly comforting than being in God’s hands, at the center of His will.
LANGUAGE DAY
I began writing this letter in January, and at this point I started to say how much I was feeling it was time to come back to the States after this year. But since January God has been greatly changing my heart and doing some incredible things in my life and at the school that I am very excited to share with you. You may remember from last year a program at my school called Language Day, which is a performance day where each class has to perform a skit, or part of a musical, or a dance to an English song, etc. I am in charge this year of all the English classes, which is a great break from the norm. Since January we have been working on their program, which they will perform April 4th. I have the opportunity to work on something fun and creative with the students, and every day I get to spend more quality time with them, and develop a different sort of relationship. We dance and write and sing and laugh, and when they get tired of practicing, I just sit down and talk to them. They love to ask me questions about myself, and I get to hear about their lives and what they love to do for fun, what movies they watch, and music they listen to. I have begun to build an excellent rapport with my students that I have prayed to have for a long time.
For grades, they can either write essays from a list of topics I gave them, or meet me outside of school and sit and talk for 30 minutes in English. I have been overwhelmed at the response I have gotten! I have been meeting consistently with several students since I introduced the idea, and we just talk. They feel they are getting English practice, and I am building a close relationship and trust with them. This has been incredibly exciting, since I have been praying that I could hang out with students outside of school without awkwardness and build friendships and rapport since I’ve been in Hungary. After a year and a half, God is answering my prayer!
NEXT YEAR
Be careful what you pray for! I had been earnestly asking God to see the fruit of my time in Hungary, to see the purpose of the ministry and why I was here. Now He is answering! But if I had never seen, I could have easily returned home to the States without a backward glance, believing I had done everything I could. But now that God is answering my prayer and showing me fruit, He is requiring much more of me. If I have worked a year and a half to get to the point where I can be of use, why should I leave what I have worked so hard to achieve? It is becoming increasingly hard to ignore that this isn’t the end of my time in Hungary, but only the beginning of my service and ministry to my students.
A MINISTRY TRANSITION
God can put things on our hearts, and then make it seem nearly impossible to put into action. That what makes Him God, and us just clay in His hands. I am constantly having to let go of everything I plan, my hopes and dreams I keep having to lay at His feet, because nothing goes the way I want it to. It would be so simple to say to my school: “I want to come back next year,” wouldn’t it? But following God is never that simple. My school has responded like every school going through a crisis because of Hungarian government cuts in funding education: “We can’t afford to hire you back and renew your contract next year, Joanna. We can’t afford an ESI teacher at all anymore.” I have been praying earnestly at what that means. “Does that mean I’m released, God? Can I go back to the States?” Sigh, leave my kids with no one at all to follow me? No Christian presence from now on? It leaves my heart heavy. So, I am pursuing other options. All I know is that next year will be drastically different from this one if I choose to stay. My school would be quite happy to keep me as a volunteer, to lead workshops, help tutor kids after school who are behind, or provide extra instruction for gifted students. They’ve made this quite clear. They now provide my rent for my flat and utilities. In order to keep my presence at the school, to continue to meet with my students and build on my relationship with them, I will no more receive help from the school financially. It will require a huge money gap.
And this is where you come in. I am still grappling with the practicality of staying in Hungary for another year without a salary. I am discussing options with ESI, and trying to get an idea of possibilities to receive extra money. Working part-time at a different school and commuting to Vac, teaching private students in my “free” time are some options. However, I would love to have the extra time to use in whatever ways God opens up to minister to my students. I would love to raise my full support. However, the amount to raise would be twice as much as what I’ve raised before, and the amount is staggering. It would cost me about $19,200 a year, to replace the costs of my salary and to pay my own rent. I have made an analysis of all the expenses in Hungarian forints and dollars and what all that money goes toward, which I will send out in another email. This is only to say that my mind cannot possibly wrap around the fact that I can get that much money to stay, but my heart says to trust God that anything is possible!
This means that again I am encountering a stumbling block, but I want to lay it all down before the Lord and trust that if it is His will, He will provide. I am writing this to you, to ask for your prayers. If God does indeed desire me to continue working in Hungary with my students in this new way, than you can be God’s provision. I cannot do this without your help! If in your heart you feel that God does indeed want to work in the hearts of students in Vác, Hungary, than ask Him if you can be also be used to make it possible. I have been so encouraged by your support, prayers, and letters of encouragement over these two years. It has increased my faith to ask for your help and rely on others for my provision, and I have heard stories where it has also increased your faith as well to give even when it hurt. I am so thankful that I have not stepped out in faith alone, but that I have a team of generous prayer warriors who have been behind me and lifted me up when I couldn’t lift myself up. Please continue to pray that God would use you in this ministry, so we can together be a light for God and give Him glory all over the world.
Blessings and peace to you,
Joanna Fessler
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Vác
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0Gn-6Uepkk
Video of Vác, if anyone wants to see what the place looks like.
Video of Vác, if anyone wants to see what the place looks like.
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