Cryptic Thoughts

I hope I don't make anyone too mad, but due to the fact that the Internet broke at school and I have to go to the Internet café in order to get online, and that costs money, and I still haven't gotten a salary, suffice it to say that the story from last time is going to be summed up succintly and unclimactically for all the wait I've put you through. A homeless man walked into English club and in translation, Jackie presented the gospel to him. It should be expected coming from the pastor's wife in the church in Vác, but somehow I was unprepared for this direct approach. He asked for money, she gave him what he really needed, a changed life, but he didn't take the invitation, he took the train ticket offered and left. I brought my one English student to English club, who is Catholic, and I was more worried about her reaction than the homeless man, because she's my one English speaking friend. Let's just say I had a good talk with her, and with Jackie, and with God about what I'm doing here, about ministry, about sitting down with someone and sharing the gospel, and why it frightens me. I'm excited to spread the love of Christ, but what does that mean? For some reason, my mind rebels against calling the gospel a formula, and telling people they're sinners, even though it's obvious we all are and I'm the best of them. I want people to know this love that God gives, and I struggled with this sin and judgement thing. But Jackie and I talked for a long time the next day about why this is important, and I need to spend some time reflecting on this pretty heavy material I've been given, and think more about what I'm doing here besides playing games with students about family and travel and smiling a lot, and hearing them say "Good morning" in English to me in passing. So I passed out the flyers this week for English club. I think a lot of kids will come. This Friday, they'll come to a real English club if no homeless men walk in, and then have a chance to stay for the high school youth group and talk about God. If this happens, what is my part in this? I didn't start English club, but I can bring the students. Easily. It puts more responsibility on me, heavier than being a good teacher. I didn't come here only to be a teacher, or I wouldn't have come with a missions organization. I came to love people, but I think God requires more than that of me. Love is sacrifice, being uncomfortable, risking much to give the best to others and not self. Hmmm...this is over because I'm already uncomfortable for putting this much online and written so poorly and cryptically even to myself, because I can't really think right now.